Spliffs, Hookers, and Car Thieves: Five Unlikely Christmas Songs

Posted December 11, 2011 in Music Features

Plenty of Christmas songs get played ad nauseum during this time of year, but we’re now at the stage where even Fairytale of New York has reached saturation point (though we’ll still refuse to surrender it at closing time on Christmas Eve).

Here are some alternative holiday hits for those of you who think you’re too good for the Priests.

Christmas Wrapping – The Waitresses


The most kitchen sink of all Chrimbo songs, The Waitresses’s contribution to the excellent ZE Records Christmas Record has travelled from its new wave roots right through to a 1998 Spice Girls B-side.

Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto – Nate & Snoop Dogg

Culled from James Brown’s anti-carol of the same name, this cut from the indispensable Christmas on Death Row compilation, sees Nate and Snoop run through their list to Santa: a sack of crazy glue, a fifth of Hendog, and peace and goodwill for all. Aw.

Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis – Tom Waits

Tom Waits downs his usual few shots of broken glass and warbles from the perspective of a hooker who’s just had her record player stolen.


Kris Kringle was a Car Thief – Wesley Willis

Chronic schizophrenic wordsmith, Wesley Wilis gave his own interpretation of Old Saint Nick in this weirdly vivid recounting of a Christmas carjacking.


Black Christmas – Poly Styrene


Oh Santa, Up Yours! Christmastime brings sadness home in this anti-Yule broadside from the X-Ray Spex punk hero. Poly doesn’t want a cracker.


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