The fact is, it doesn’t matter what this review says, The Twilight Saga transcends good taste or even common sense and despite most film critics best efforts there’s nothing that can stop the force of nature that is New Moon. I could sit here and list cinematic clichés and discuss how incredibly dull this film is but it would do nothing to hamper the fact that it has broken all pre-sale records. For those of you unfamiliar with the first film, it follows mopey teenager Bella as she becomes embroiled in a romance with fellow mopey teenager, Edward, who looks like a corpse for a reason: he’s a vampire. But not only is this vampire surprisingly chaste for a vamp, he’s also a “vegetarian”. This immediately makes one ponder the question, “what is a vampire film if there’s no sex and blood?”. New Moon sees Edward and Bella torn apart for her own protection. She falls into a depressed slump for months and months and is slowly cheered up by shirtless Native American best friend Jacob who, it transpires, also happens to be a werewolf. What’s the antidote for losing a skinny pale vampire? Pick up with a brawny, tanned werewolf…of course! The theme of Romeo and Juliet was foreshadowed with about as much delicacy as Benny Hill, so the film culminates in a chain of events through which Edward believes Bella to be dead so he goes to the Volturi (vampire council) to ask them to grant him death. Bella finds out in the nick of time and must go to Italy to save him. But what will this mean for her relationship with Jacob? Well, you’ll just have to see it to find out.
If you liked the first film and have any emotional attachment to Edward and Bella, you’ll most likely enjoy this, but if you prefer your vampires dripping with blood and women then New Moon will get more groans from you than swoons!